If you've been reading my blog for the past several months you know that I'm praying through the darkest valley of my life (thus far). In this valley I've learned that the battle I'm fighting really has two fronts. One is the obvious one with the circumstances that are breaking my heart and the other is with God.
That's right...my spiritual warfare includes my own personal struggle in my relationship with God. I'm not struggling with loving Him. Nor do I struggle with serving Him. But I do struggle with His sovereignty in this situation.
Every step of the way I've defined the reasonable boundaries of the other battle front. For instance I tell God what lines the Enemy must not be allowed to cross. I started doing this in June. But soon after I defined the boundary line, the Enemy crossed it. I was devestated. Then, last month I defined the boundary with a deadline. The Enemy blasted over that boundary too.
Today I'm tempted to define two more boundary lines. My struggle with God has been unnecessarily magnified by these boundary lines. Once I define the boundaries I decide that I know better than God how much is too much and how long is too long. When I do that I totally disregard God's Word in Isaiah 55:9
"As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
The boundaries I construct become like barbed wire. They hem me in when I pray. I camp out just this side of them and spend much of my energy begging God to keep them strong. Thus far, those boundaries have been blatantly disregarded by the Enemy and when he plows through them he drags me behind him. Often I'm left on the other side of that barbed wire bleeding and wounded wondering where God was when I just got taken further than I ever wanted to go into the depths of this valley.
But today, I've decided to stop marking off the territory. I'm finally ready to say to God--wherever You want to go; and whatever You want to do, take me there and do that. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are Your ways higher than mine and Your thoughts higher than my thoughts.
I'm wife to Tom. He pastors Thompson Station Church in Thompson Station, TN. We've been there 22+ years (since January 1989)--the only church we've ever served since graduating from SWBTS. I have two daughters--Mikel (19) and Kaleigh (17), and one son, TJ (15). I also have a granddaughter, Misty (born 2-9-11) and a new son-in-law Austin (20).
I love to write and have 7 books in print. Three are in the Lifeway bookstores. And a new one released by Bethany House June 2011. I'm on staff at TSC and serve as the prayer and women's minister. I enjoy laughing, love "alone" time, and am learning to "be still" so I "will know."